Probability Page 2

  ‘But the point is; there is nothing wrong at your end. Things are not in the same league at my end and you cannot blame your enterprise for that. You simply cannot correct or improve the template of other’s life.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I mean, are you sure that things are not correct at your end and secondly, I cannot make it right or improve it?’

  ‘May be, at least I accept it this way. I have my own troubles and they are all mine. I don’t want you to be into it. I cannot make myself to extend the shadows of things in your template of perfect life-wellness.’

  ‘This exactly is what I wish to bring in, into the domain of mutuality.’

  ‘What?... what do you mean?’

  ‘Look at me… watch my eyes… for a while kindly drop the guard of your conscious self and accept a unity with the probability of mutuality, I wish to extend a full chance. What you say about your own realism, is what you perceive and accept as. This perception of yours of you and your life-situations not being in harmony and symmetry of my template of mutual wellness is an individualistic and singular realism. It is you, who is accepting this realism but this may not be true and right when things are perceived and allowed to sink in into the domain of mutuality. We are not talking of individual choices. We are talking of mutuality. We are talking of a possible situation of mergers and assimilation of individualistic perceptions into a mutuality, which shall have its own life, its own judgments, its own journeys and its own destinations, quite distinct from our individualistic journeys and destinations. I only wish that you and I extend a full chance to the probability of this mutuality and for that to happen, we have to de-skin our individualistic perceptions and step into the domain of mutuality.’

  ‘What if I am essentially reluctant to and rather apprehensive of this probability of mutuality itself? I am probably not comfortable with this very idea of merger of my individualistic self into the mutuality. I am in fact scared of the very idea that once this mutuality happens, it shall take up its own journey and in that journey, the individual self may feel lost and incapacitated. I may not be comfortable with and in perfect wellness with my own skin but it surely scares me to get into the skin of mutuality, about which I have not so good imagery.’

  ‘I repeat; this too is what I wish to draw into the domain of mutuality.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I am talking about how and why realisms stand distinct at the ends of different persons. They have to be; yet, there always is a probability of commonness and unity of realisms into a singular entity, if mutuality is given a sincere and honest chance. It seems; realism – as a subjective self accepts – is brain’s choice (mostly randomized) of elements from the ambient milieu. Therefore, both fact and fiction are equally entitled to being realism. There are both tangible and intangible elements in any milieu. Consciousness (subjective self) as the navigation mapping mechanism, facilitated by the brain, accepts both elements with equal ease. Interestingly, all tangibles acquire form and content from the intangibles of life and all intangibles attain utility and suitability from tangibles. Therefore, it seems, realism is an eclectic mix of fact and fiction. It depends on early childhood milieu and initial experiences of a person, whether this mix has more fact or more fiction. That is why, it is precisely possible that you and me see different shades of a single realism differently as two different individuals. However, when we de-skin our cultural minds and enter the domain of mutuality, the realism may possibly look singular and same.’

  ‘Phew…! Is there a possibility of all this you said being a bit easy for me to understand? Either I am not good enough or your idea is not right enough.’

  ‘Madam Corporate Strategist, there is always a right time for all good things. The watch says, it is the right time for dinner. So, accept the point of mutuality and say yes to dinner with me at your favorite place. This is the first necessary step towards extending full chance to the probability of mutuality. This idea is also right and good enough…’

  ‘Why do you want to pamper me with a treat… for slashing your wrist?’

  ‘Exactly…! This wound shall earn me the sympathy of my boss, who shall then allow me a much-needed casual leave. Thanks for making me earn an extended weekend.’

  ‘Oh God…! I surely do not want this man in my life who wastes his hard-earned money on a stupid girl with such silly pretexts!’

  ‘Why are you always right…! That is why I need to marry you, who would check my bad habits and stupid ways…’

  For a few minutes, both indulge in stupid talks and as she laughs at his witty remarks, he is happy. She is happy too. She does not want to hurt him. She knows his intents are good and he deserves all happiness in life. It is altogether different issue that she does not find herself with him in the template he has of life. He knows well what issues she has in her life and in her thinking. He is happy that she has extended him the chance to build up on his enterprise to engender a probability of the mutuality, which he is sure, is the ultimate benchmark of wellness for both of them. The mutuality is on a journey, at least. The destination is still within the domain of probability.

  Inevitability has a pattern and most patterns begin with a set of random probabilities. However, once the random probability creates the seed-start of a certain possibility, the ambient milieus as well as concerned human enterprise need to chip in with well-planned, inventive and artistic inputs of both tangible as well as intangible elements to craft the inevitability of one’s suitability and utility. All men and women of substance and success have brilliant artistry of converting most random probabilities into patterns of inevitability of their subjective suitability and profitable utility.

  He has the artistry and above all the good intent to engender the inevitability. The random opportunity of dinner is his chance to unleash all elements at his disposal to build up the patterns of possibility of his suitability. He orchestrates the best of both tangibles and intangibles. Those men, who understand subtleties of consciousness and its rainbowish shades, are always better placed with their resources and endowments life provides them with. People look a singular being and unitary self but they are always multi-personality in a single body. The endowments and resources of life have utility and value only to one shade of consciousness. If you have to impress a person with your resources and endowments, you must know in what shade of consciousness the person is currently. If this person you have to impress, is a woman, your task is many times more difficult as she may be standing on the junction of varied shades of consciousness and still connect with all of them at one point of time. He knows and understands all this very well.

  Men and women are different and so are their innate consciousnesses. The mind consciousnesses are different because their brains are different. They look and function differently. It is therefore natural that utility and wellness have distinct meanings for male and female. For example, male brains contain about 6.5 times more gray matter; also called thinking matter than women. Female brains have more than 9.5 times as much white matter, the stuff that connects various parts of the brain, than male brains. Moreover, the frontal area of the cortex and the temporal area of the cortex are more precisely organized in women, and are bigger in volume. This largely explains why women have more and larger wellness issues and their sense of personal utilities has distinct shades than men. Women have the brain-driven mind consciousness to connect with all elements of life and living far more deeply and intricately. Women relate and unconsciously communicate with tangible as well as intangible elements in their social and personal milieus and ambient cultures in far more intimate and entrenched ways than men do. It is somehow far more difficult for a woman to de-culture her mind consciousness and judge the utility and suitability of a possible decision sans baggage of ambient milieus, experiences and recent history.

  It is for the smart and receptive mind consciousness of a man to understand and accept that the gender differences in mind conscious
ness are there but they are actually good for the probability of the inevitability of mutuality. Evolution has designed these differences for larger and better survival and wellness of both men and women. A real man truly respects these segregations yet always eyes on working out the probability of enhanced symbiosis and symmetry between the two complementing mind consciousnesses. He understands it well and the dinner presents him the perfect theater to unravel the magical show of a causality, which shall augment the probability he wished to create.

  The initial few minutes of an hour and half dinner, he talks and she listens to him with great intent. The window side table at the corner of the restaurant hall looks away at sea. She feels good to look askance towards the sea, occasionally looking straight into his eyes. The sea waves far away present itself as a consciousness-partner to her, even as the person sitting inches away from her sounds calm and stable as the golden beach, which is lighted well and unexpectedly clean.

  He talks about family, his childhood happy moments and his youth stupidities. He speaks slowly, giving enough pauses in between his sentences and constantly doing small things on the table to show up that he is exactly onto the dinner and his talks are only supplementary. She waits for some time expecting him to resume the talk they were having in her place – about his aspiration to convince her to marry him. He is not obliging, as if the idea is a foregone conclusion and as if they were already married. He is behaving like an old and still caring husband. Gradually, she drops her guard as she accepts that he is in no mood to talk about what she expected him to. She even begins to join him in his family talks. He starts asking her about her childhood incidents and her good family moments. She takes over happily and for the rest of dinnertime, he listens intently, all the time fixing his eyes on her eyes, complementing and complimenting her narrations. He dexterously matches her emotions, making all shades of facial expressions, sometimes doing childlike pranks to make her laugh. Throughout, he lookes relaxed, happy and in perfect sync with the leisure, as if, the cardinal purpose of the evening is enjoying togetherness and nothing else.

  Subtleties of life have unusual utilities and often, half-measures of enterprise bring in full measures of joy and satisfaction. Wellness is not always in romance with overdrive of attainments and loaded labor of enterprise. Those who understand music and artistry of rhythm, accept that half notes always add more meaning and substance to the utility and suitability of the enterprise of musicality. Often, the most enjoyable part in a recital or presentation of music is called the ‘music of zero’ – the silence and pause, which a musician masterfully manages to indulge in between the peaks of presentation. Moreover, there always is a poise between the melody and beat to ensure the excellence of the musical enterprise. He is the genius of subtleties; his artistry has the poise and his presentation is entwined with the golden silence – the music of zero.

  As he drives her home, her thoughts are still on the dining table of the restaurant. As a woman’s mind-consciousness is adept at and innately inclined, she is busy connecting the chain of incidents, starting from her living room to the dinner table talks. More she tries to connect, more loose ends her mind engenders. She needs to decipher things but it surely is missing her. He softly jolts her out of her thoughts, as he finds her not registering that they have reached her apartment.

  She gently smiles at her stupidity and to cover up her embarrassment, she asks him the time. He points at the digital watch on the car’s dashboard, opens the door and reaches to her side to open the door for her. She comes out and collects her bag from the back seat. Her mind is still not at it as it is busy connecting ends.

  Not all probabilities are random and destinies are definitely shaped up marvelously by those probabilities, for which men and women strive for, patiently, with sincere and decisive intent. The tangible as well as intangible elements of the ambient milieu, which lead up to a probability, must never be left untapped. This is karma for every man and woman. We all extend our optimum yet objective enterprise to a probability and even when it does not end up on the side of our utility and suitability, we have to be content that we had our karma right and there. Often, contentment is more important than joy. As is the mechanism of causality of the elements, karma engenders such probabilities, which man and woman usually call destiny.

  She moves away from him and he watches her go inside the lift. He backs his car and fastens his seat belt. He is about to pick up a CD to play on the car’s music player that his mobile phone rings.

  ‘… hello… are you there… wait please…’, she is there on the other side.

  ‘Yes, I was about to move… have you left anything in the car?’

  ‘No… no… I just had this in my mind that it is still not too late and we can have a cup of coffee now. I thought you made such a bad coffee last time so you deserve a good one, which I shall make for you.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘What…?’

  ‘About the coffee, which you say shall be good’, he said laughing.

  ‘Hmmm… come in and judge yourself. I am in a good mood and making coffee is not as tough as delivering a speech on mutuality. Anyway, I have a busy day tomorrow and day after I am off to Paris for a week. After coffee, you can finish your talk on mutuality thing.’

  He parks his car and looks at the sky, smiling at the thought of the new journey of probability ahead. He thinks of staying there for a while to collect his calm and plan his next step but she comes walking in and waves at him to come up. He hurries up and leaves it on the potential of randomized probabilities to lead his way.

  Night has its own mysticism. Darkness extends elemental invite to raw possibilities. Consciousness also seems to navigate to mystical journeys as realisms relax in the comfort of darkness of night. Somehow, consciousnesses are on an overdrive of senses and elements are burdened with complex connects with mind’s cultural baggage, in the light of day. Nights therefore usually are time zone of sincerity of intents of subconscious mind. Nights historically have had innate intimacy with potential of women. A woman’s instinctive and elemental self seems to prefer the darkness of night to undress the mind consciousness of unnecessary cultural appropriates. Its night, its dark; time to undress, a tentative but powerful invite to raw realisms – time for nakedness to take over the theatre of probabilities.

 

  He sips his coffee silently, even while she is at her natural best, asking him to speak up.

  ‘Why don’t you speak? Finish your talk.’

  ‘I am thinking…’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Nothing important… it just crossed my mind that often, we are just a small step away from good things in life and all it takes is a small symbolism, to make it happen.’

  ‘Hmmm…. is this observation something part of your idea of mutuality?’

  ‘It is a generalization, somehow seems to fit into most things.’

  ‘And what did you mean by symbol?’

  ‘It is the virtual template of a realism, a prioritized juxtaposition of all abstractions of milieus around.’

  ‘Oh God… can’t you say something simple! All good things in life are simple.’

  ‘Yes, you are right but then in the egoism of our intelligent minds, we refuse to accept simple things as useless because we are used to accepting utility in only those things in life, which comes to us after long efforts and wait.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Like, we are having coffee but this is just a symbolism. You may see utility in the coffee as you made it with so much care and effort and it is truly delicious. However, a stupid like me sees it just as a symbol. I find and enjoy utility not in the taste of coffee but primarily because of the juxtaposition of the associated abstractions around the coffee. For me this coffee is not the simple realism. The simple goodness is the mutuality, which is around, in the milieu; the sense of wellness of togetherness of two persons, in acceptance of the harmony of mutual space and time.’

  She stop
s sipping the coffee; looks at the cup and then stares blankly at his face, probably attempting to read a symbolism in his eyes, which is well there and definitely for her to see. She rises and moves away from him. She stays in the kitchen for a while, ponders over something and then goes back to him. He has finished his coffee and is standing at the window, looking up at the sky. She joins him there.

  ‘I am sorry…’, she says, resting her hand on his shoulder.’

  ‘Why did you say sorry?’

  ‘I understand, I am causing trouble for you. I can see it.’

  ‘Never think of things this way. You have always been the source of my joys and even now, I am in blissful reception of the same. I understand you and also respect your choices. That is why I told you things about symbols. Believe me, I am very happy.’

  She rests her head slowly on his back and gently clasps her arms around him. He holds her hands warmly, turns around and leads her to the sofa.

  ‘Look in my eyes; can’t you see my gratitude for you, for being my friend, being honest to me and above all, always being an amazingly beautiful woman. I am truly blessed and happy that I find you in my life. It is only natural for me to wish the continuity of this mutuality. This is a huge symbol of wellness for me. I don’t see things in terms of marriage and kids. As I said, marriage is like a coffee to me; I am not looking into the joy of the taste of this delicious coffee. I am eyeing the associated wellness. My template is the mutuality of wellness for life. My template is that I wish to grow old with you. I want to be there with you when together our time shall be up and we shall hold our hands, joyfully welcoming the end of the journey. Marriage is just a symbol for me; like the coffee.’